The state of being in human

The state of being in human is like being inside one's own chemistry experiment. Depending on what chemicals you decide to try mixing together, you get many different reactions. We pour all kinds of things physical and mental into our minds and bodies. We become dependent on some, while others we couldn't care less for. Some excite us so much we are elated and enthusiastic, perhaps in love with existence. Others depress us and tear us into experiencing what we may perceive as nothingness, darkness, or even death.

I find the experience of living to be (in the background of everything we see happening) like a non-stop balancing act of chemicals, forces, and thoughts, all of which interact and react with one another. We are in constant mode of decision making about what we spend time thinking about. Should I be thinking of being productive, my partner, school, love, how much I can't stand this guy, what I want for dinner, oh my god that girl is so hot, I wish I didn't do that stupid thing I did 10 years ago, I'm so awesome, I'm so miserable, and on and on.

It's non-stop.

If you haven't seen it yet, see "What the Bleep Do We Know?" It's by far one of my favorite films. It's an award winning documentary that deals exactly with this topic. It explores what is happening in our bodies chemically through all the thoughts we have, and how that can lift us up or tear us down. It explains scientifically how these connections, attachments, habits, and patterns are made in our brain through the thoughts we have and our reactions/perceptions to experiences. check it out- http://www.whatthebleep.com/

So what am I getting at? I don't really know. Maybe just that being human can be tough because well...we are human. Understanding, I mean REALLY understanding what that means opens up a lot of thoughts- like how much power do we have in our lives? How responsible am I for my own happiness? What we learn from understanding what it means to be human is we can be our own best friend, or worst enemy. We have a lot of choice what enters our inner world, but once things enter, we give away a certain amount of power. We allow various struggles to take place. We give it away to love, to lust, hatred, depression, excitement, and all other feelings and emotions in various doses. From these inner battles fight or flight responses take place. It's not easy keeping all the billions of thoughts and feelings in check to reach our goals.

It's no wonder people seek out lives in monasteries. I even went through a phase like that myself near the end of college. I was so burnt out being a full-time student, and producing my records, and having a girlfriend, being in multiple bands, teaching lessons after school and on weekends, that I contemplated becoming a monk, sacrificing my own desires, living to serve, and living a life of celibacy. Well, that whole celibacy thing after a few days thinking about it turned out to be the opposite of my thing, so it never happened. But I did spend more time investing all the other stuff.

At one point I even asked a monk about how one decides to become a monk. I don't remember exactly what he said but something along the lines of "it's a way of life for a select few", and "you should really feel that's what you want for your life", and continued to tell me about his life events and thoughts that led him to his decision to lead a life of monkness. I like clear unquestionable answers in life so I don't have to think too much. This wasn't one of those answers, so I guess it didn't help much, but I know he did the zen thing, so it's cool with me. It's part of learning that no one can give you clear path answers for yourself. I would have to make that decision on my own, as with most things.

Ultimately I decided to stay on my path of rock n' roll, jazz, or Soul-Funktified life. In other words, of dealing with being human. I chose that challenge, and every day is a new one. Love it!